He started it! Setting up successful sibling interactions

Siblings, whether diagnosed with autism or not, often fight over issues that seem small to adults but seem big to children. Issues such as: whose turn is it for a toy, choice of a cartoon they want to watch, or who will have the last piece of dessert. A lot of times parents see themselves trapped between their children and don’t know what to do. They don’t want to favor one over the other, and they also don’t want to see them fighting. So, as a parent, what can you do?

Encourage Sibling Play

• 1. Set up play stations where you have activities that both siblings enjoy playing. Examples of play stations are: building blocks on a rug, train station in the corner of the room, play doh on the table. Some toys are better for individual play, others are better for peer play.
  2. Have toys available that are age appropriate and that will increase creativity.
  3. If possible, have 2 of the same toy for the 2 children that may fight over one. Then they can play near each other with the same toy.

Be Involved in the Play / Activity with the Children

• Narrate (or comment on) the play
• Model appropriate language and play behavior
• Model different and creative ways to play with the same toy
• Play activities with the children where the focus is on a shared experience versus a toy (e.g. parent is the tickle monster getting both children who are a team, children count / hide with a parent during hide and seek, throwing water balloons at parents outside, blowing bubbles, parachute play with a sheet).

• 1. Identify how long the siblings can play with each other before they start arguing.
  2. Once you have the time, you should start by ending the sibling play 5 minutes before that time.
  3. Example: if your kids play nicely together for 10 minutes, start encouraging 5 minutes of sibling play, at least 3 times a day.

Helping when siblings don’t get along:

• Be patient! Children have their own interests and forcing your child to participate in an activity or with their sibling might make things worse.
• Set up family activities.
• Prepare toys and activities that are not competitive.
• Use toys for parallel play. If the siblings have difficulty being near each other, you can break down the steps of playing near each other:

1st play in the same room, with different toys, across the room.
2nd play in the same room, with different toys, closer to each other.
3rd play in the same room, with the same toys next to each other.

Mediating play when there is a big age difference:

• When you have a big age different between the older and younger sibling, it’s important to make sure the older sibling understands that the younger child won’t be able to play at the same level as them. Help the older sibling identify games/activities that the younger sibling enjoys and have the older sibling pick from those activities.

1. 1. Have toys that are for the older sibling only in an area where the older sibling can access but not the younger sibling (ideally out of reach or out of the area of the younger sibling).
   2. Have easy to manipulate toys available and teach the older sibling how to play/interact with the younger one.
   3. Reward the older sibling for playing nicely with the younger one.